Ewan Morrison story online at The Beat
My previous post on The Erotic Book Club choosing ‘Girls’ as their read of the month included a link to an except, actually a whole story from the book, and concluded mentioning Ewan Morrison’s ‘The last book you read’ also being a potential EBC monthly pick.
If you enjoyed the Nic Kelman tale then I would strongly recommend Morrison, they share an honesty and a compassion in describing flawed characters whose know their behaviour is damaging but can not stop themselves. Redemption not being a likely option.
Luckily The Beat have ‘Clean sheets and a view of the Hudson’ taken from ‘The last book you read’ online. Recommended.
The Erotic Book Club – Girls
Redux. Double redux. Two previous posts combined. Nic Kelman’s ‘Girls’ is brutal, compassionate and unforgiving, unflinching, cruel, and understanding. Comprising short stories on the motives and fears which drive middle-aged men to sleep with teen girls, whose love for their wives is in direct proportion to their perceived notions of youth and beauty. And at times pretty saucy. I found the book compelling enough to kick-start me into writing. Can’t think of higher praise.
The publisher Serpent’s Tail have one of the stories online so you can have a read for yourself.
And if found interesting enough buy a copy, for The Erotic Book Club have chosen it as their book of the month and will be discussing it at the book club’s next meeting, to be held at 8pm on Thursday 25th February at Donlon Books.
The Erotic Book Club. Donlon Books. Unit 3, 210 Cambridge Heath Road. London, E2 9NQ.
They suggest bringing a bottle of wine along to share and help loosen tongues. Their future reading list also includes Ewan Morrison’s ‘Swingers’ whose short stories ‘The last book you read’ was another major contribution in inspiring me to start writing. Men behaving badly. But well read.
Acido Latte – an art blog
Michel de Broin’s giant mirrorball installation ‘La Maîtresse de la Tour Eiffel’ at The Jardin de Luxembourg recreates the night’s starscape which urban lighting obscures.
The cryptically entitled \\\ is a contemporary art blog curated by an Italian designer Angelo Bramanti (I think), reachable at the the more pronounceable acidolatte.blogspot.com.
With the majority of art blogs you can trace the genus of new exhibition announcements through the via links under each post, a who reads who. Bramanti seems to cast his eye further a field than the other tumblr galleries I follow and almost always features novel emergent artists.
Détail series by Frederic Fontenoy
Recently through his site I have discovered sculptural work by Gregor Gaida, Michel de Broin and Derick Melander, and photographers Frederic Fontenoy, Ansen Seale and Ruben Brulat. Each of these artists deserves a post of their own, but without the dedication and enthusiasm of Bramanti I would have been none the wiser to any of their work, and so feel that this entry should be titled in his honour, as a mark of gratitude.
The artists highlighted here are a fraction of those featured in \\\ so I suggest if you appreciate a dose of contemporary art an immediate visit is in order.
Heisenberg Figure by Ansen Seale
Cupboard love
Scotland, February 2010
Publishing a digital version as I suspect the film shots will have insufficient light. There was a moment, and the moment had to be seized.
Mixtape: the movie
Mixtape - a film by Luke Snellin
By the frequency of my posts eulogising the 8tracks site you will know my appreciation for the art of the mixtape. Would you let a computer algorithm pick what you are going to wear? So why let it choose what you listen to. Before going any further, lest we forget, let us pay respect to Muxtape who gave us the first mixtape site before legal botherers shut them down (a happy ending: they are back, but as an official artist showcase).
London has many delights, one of the more obscure being FilmFriendsForver, a movie club which shows up and coming shorts at the Queen of Hoxton for just a few quid per screening. That’s films with good music and drinking inbetween, hell, you can even drink at the bar during the films. A great evening evening out and they are lovely people to boot.
At their Best of 2009 screening I caught ‘Mixtape’ which is simple, sweet and fabulous. Like the closing line of Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity it will put a great big gooey smile on your face. Made by Luke Snellin, I was delighted to find it online, and so am now able to share the joy, watch it and bring out your inner soppiness.
www.2am.co.uk/play-reel/luke-snellin/playmixtape#0
And if we are discussing stories with emotional heart This zine will change your life have a high calibre entry this month with Sally Weigel’s ‘Sometimes It’s Hard’, a story with a zing in it’s tale. Recommended reading.
thiszinewillchangeyourlife.blogspot.com/2010/01/sometimes-its-hard-to-say-by-sally.html
To wrap it all up I could hardly bow out this post without ending with, well, a mixtape…
My offering left of field acoustic, mainly covers, post-coital good for the bedroom, which could be reason enough for a lint pun. You’re going to sing, you’re going to cry, you’re going out crazy as fuck. Featuring punk arse balladeers (particularly if you make it to the end).
Foundations story permanent link
My tiny tale ‘Foundations’ was pick of the week at the Matchbook Story site and now has been given a permanent home there. Read it at:
matchbookstory.blogspot.com/2010/01/pick-of-week-archive-january-2010.html
Enjoy.
Readybrek – an 8tracks mix
Somewhere in a part of me it always remains summer. Going to where the weather suits my clothes. Word has reached me that the disco return is well under way, the mix starts there then slips in something more chillwave comfortable, fumbling through dubstepish house. I think.
8tracks.com/juliobesq/readybrek
The Erotic Book Club
Every last Thursday of the month The Erotic Book Club meet to discuss and devour the naughty masterpieces of literature. Yes, literature, the above salacious pulp covers are not representative. Donlon Books organise the evening, held at their East End premises. This month they will be savouring Octave Mirbeau’s ‘The Torture Garden’ published by the very fine Bookkake.
The Erotic Book Club
8pm, Thursday 28th January
Donlon Books, Unit 3
210 Cambridge Heath Road
E2 9NQ
Previous titles from their reading list include Chuck Palahniuk’s ‘Snuff’, Charlotte Roche’s ‘Wetlands’ and Anais Nin’s ‘Delta of Venus’. I have requested they forewarn us of the coming title so slower readers can finish off in time.
Foundations published by Matchbook Story
One of my submissions to Matchbook Story has been made pick of the week on their blog.
‘Foundations’
Head on over to matchbookstory.blogspot.com to read it. There is a touch of absurdity in this post probably being longer than the actual story…
SubMinder, a writer’s tool
Introducing ‘SubMinder’, a writer’s tool to help track submissions to publications…
Getting published isn’t always instant, it can involve sending a story to several litzines (those of course who accept simultaneous submissions), and then waiting. You could send it publication by publication after each has responded, though the editorial process isn’t sometimes that quick. You could end up waiting, well, a while, till that joyful email of acceptance arrives.
In practice what happens is a clutch of submissions are emailed, then when the piece is accepted a hunt through the sent-box is required retrieving any remaining editor’s addresses, notifying them of publication elsewhere. Or since nothing’s been heard one wonders wether the litzine is allowed to be sent a gentle enquiry, you think the requisite waiting period is over.
What would be most helpful is someway of monitoring which publication has been sent what story, when, and their reaction, when it comes. In light of Dennis Waterman’s phone number being ex-directory the only solution I could think of was to write a software assistant myself…
www.julianbaker.com/subminder/
Gratis to use for all aspiring authors, it remembers who got what and records the verdict. Spits out email addresses. Keeps a note of dates. Only caveat? Comes as is.
Comments gratefully received, pretty babbles from Amazon even more so.
And if you’re wondering.. Waterman?… www.last.fm/music/Dennis+Waterman/_/I+Could+Be+So+Good+For+You
Lofi pormo
Not a typo. Originally the site was rather delightfully entitled Lomoporno but the folks at Lomo threw a giant hissy fit and threatened legal action for sullying the good name of cheap plastic cameras that don’t work very well.
But not to worry for picture-doesn’t-always-come-out-erotica is back.
Flash Glam Trash present Lo-Fi.
Get it while it’s warm.
Matchbook fiction
When I first mentioned using social media feeds like Twitter to publish fiction or poetry the standard practice was to post a link to the latest episode. An obvious solution to the limit of Twitter’s 140 characters or a 160 letters for SMS. (Ever wondered what the Hillebrand number is?)
Since then authors like Will Ashon have attempted to subvert Twitter’s form and create an episodic tale through it, such as his twitter.com/trundlespike. Others try to stay within the character limits to produce a single self-contained story in the same vein as short shorts (my favourite generic term for flash fiction and it’s ilk).
But for me short publishing has been usurped by an idea so simple and brilliant you wonder why no-one has thought of it before, and it doesn’t utilise a digital platform, it uses a warmly familiar media…
www.matchbookstory.com
Nestling between Twitters letter count and the 100 word limit of a drabble it promises the writer 300 characters in which to forge their tale, to be printed on the inside flap of a match book cover. It’s creator Kyle Petersen plans to strike out with the first edition in March, a man who deserves to become a leading light in the publishing world.
OK, enough of the puns already but it is a fantastic idea, and it’s being self financed by Petersen so he deserves a round of applause and hugs, and I’m not just saying that to win favour in the hope that one of my submissions graces the inaugural book. Please.
He’s blogging the project’s progress at matchbookstory.blogspot.com.
Bunny Munro’s afterlife
From the studio window the view consists only of fields of white as snow blankets all in sight, and allows me to bind together two disparate strands. Like “Fifteen feet of pure white snow” as Nick Cave sings; like the vista of an absolute pure aesthetic Heaven. For this white Christmas I was bought two books.
‘Sum – Forty tales from the Afterlives’ by David Eagleman and ‘The Death of Bunny Munro’ by Nick Cave. ‘Sum’ has been on my wanted list since reading his article on Death Switches. To summarise (sorry) a death switch is a device that is deployed should it’s owner not check in after a set period, say for instance a month after checking out. There is a web site that allows you to send an email from the afterlife should you fail to respond to prompts.
Alongside implementing supernatural communication he has written ‘Sum’ which details forty possible scenarios we might face after death. An ideal companion for short commutes, each meditation only a few pages long, leaving time for a moment of reflection on our longer mortal journey.
Cave’s ‘Bunny Munro’ appears to mainly be about vaginas.
Now how, you ask, am I going to merge these disparate works into a single entity?
Bet you thought death was going to be my cheap glue, but no… here’s Nick Cave reading the first tale from ‘Sum’…
This zine will change your life
Litzines are made for the internet, no more stealing paper and toner from work. No more lurking by the photocopier. With digital publishing the notion of the issue dissolves slightly, 3am runs continuously, adding content at whim (great story by Alan McCormick just added), it is perhaps becoming the heavyweight contender with advertising and an editorial team.
Others soldier on as labours of love for as long as unrequited desire permits, Dogmatika is no longer active, a shame, but the printscape is constantly shifting with titles coming and going (Corium Magazine looks promising). The ease of electronic publishing does not however guarantee a satisfying read: the relentlessness of reading submissions, a good eye for a fluid aesthetic layout, the dedication to publish regularly. All of this is required, and wrought just for the love. And the love of literature at that. Not the bar-soaked slutty drug-fueled sticky shallow love that one could choose to pursue instead, to endure those unnoticed unrewarded dark hours of the lonely night. (note to self…)
There are some great litzines and their editor’s love and toil should be reciprocated, but in a strictly fluidless way mind. Ben Tanzer produces This Zine Will Change Your Life. It’s good. What I really like about it is his approach to the issue.
New editions are alerted via RSS or email, consisting of a single page: a story or a few poems; an mp3; and illustrative photography. No need to navigate, a little expresso hit, in-tray manageable. Building into a good body of work if you want to trawl the archives, Chris Killen is in there for example.
So here’s a shout-out for that zine, bookmark or subscribe.
Jack Bauer interroga a Santa Claus
Yeah, I’m going to get all soppy and seasonal on your arse…
Mistletoe
London, December 2009
A quiet festive homage to Diane Arbus, season’s greetings to each and every one…
Icing Sugar and Ginger Tears
I admit it, I’m getting that tingly feeling, etiquette must allow us to mention the c word by now. A Christmas playlist, a companion mix to last year’s Snow Fever. Slightly different mood this year, not because of lack of inner elf, more that new quality seasonal songs aren’t that copious for a 8track each year (you may spot a 70s classic in there).
8tracks.com/juliobesq/icing-sugar-and-ginger-tears
Eight Christmas songs on the reflective side. Not obscure but not exactly that popular either. (p.s. in December the lovely Slow Club sing it as “it’s Rudolph, it’s Rudolph, why can’t you see…”)
Where the wild pirates are
Superhero, pirate and robot supplies (courtesy of Wikipedia)
Pirates, time travel and Captain Najork
Towards the end of March this year the trailer for Spike Jonze’s ‘Where The Wild Things Are’ hit our laptop screens. I immediately scrawled a post what with it being a favourite book from my childhood, and since read to my brood, brought my nephews, etc., along with being a fan of Jonze’s work. But I relinquished it to the draughts bin figuring it would be all over the internet already.
With it’s impending release the glossies are again filling with interviews and articles on Jonze, but with no mention of the reason I wanted to write it up. The screenplay is by co-authored with Dave Eggers. And it’s not even that he wrote it. It’s what he has done.
He is a hero, a superhero in fact. And pirate.
I have a pile of his books on my desk that I have brought but never read. So why is he a hero to me? Simple, in 2002 along with Ninive Calegari he founded 826 Valencia – a writing lab to help local students with free one-to-one literacy help. And sell pirate supplies.
The empty premises they rented in which to set up the writing centre and publishers office had only zoning for retail as SimCity has taught me to say: it could only be opened as a shop. So they decided to use the front as a front, selling pirate supplies. What takes this from being a good idea to brilliance is their attention to detail, aside from the fact that what their mission could genuinely be described as awesome, it is also a very splendid pirate suppliers, one of David Byrne’s top five in fact.
Which then inspired the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co. or 826NYC, where a secret door between the invisibility potions and cloaks leads you into the writing lab. There’s 826michigan or Liberty Street Robot Supply & Repair, 826LA or the Echo Park Time Travel Mart, 826CHI or The Boring Store (which doesn’t have anything to do with spies), 826 Seattle or Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co., and 826 Boston better known as The Greater Boston Bigfoot Research Institute.
I could rattle on about the inspiring work they do and the fantastic stores they front the labs with but Dave Eggers does a much better job of it, here’s his TED talk on the project:
Or watch it at your leisure over at TED –
www.ted.com/talks/dave_eggers_makes_his_ted_prize_wish_once_upon_a_school.html
The attention to detail and humour does not stop with the physical stores and the produce, each has a wonderful web site too.
www.826valencia.org/store
www.greenwoodspacetravelsupply.com
notasecretagentstore.com
And not to forget the fantastic work they do head over to www.826valencia.org and read up on forthcoming events, then onto onceuponaschool.org to find out how you can help your local school. In case that last part didn’t register: if you don’t live close enough to 826 to donate a couple of afternoons every six months, then Eggers has set up Once Upon A School, an organisation seeded with prize money from TED, offering support to people in volunteering at their local schools.
Don’t worry, I feel shallow and complacent after hearing him talk too.
But there is value in goofing off, fooling around and playing too, which is the moral behind “How Tom beat Captain Najork and his hired Sportsmen” by Russell Hoban, another favourite book of mine supposedly intended for children. Whilst Eggers re-imagined the picture book ‘Where the wild things are’ for adults, Hoban who is an award winning author best known for ‘Ridley Walker’ and ‘Angelica’s Grotto’ also writes childrens’ books, much like Roald Dahl, who also used Quentin Blake’s illustration skills.
His invented language skills seen in ‘Ridley Walker’ comes into wonderful play during ‘How Tom…’ where the protagonist has to eat his greasy bloaters and potato sog under the watchful eye of aunt Fidget Wonkham-Strong, who wears an iron hat. Highly highly recommended and like Antoine De Saint-Exupery’s ‘The Little Prince’ reminds us that play is as important as any business ethos.Track down a copy via www.abebooks.co.uk, or Amazon if you must.
Feed your inner child. Just not on cabbage and potato sog.
Wave iPhone user interface
Officially excited by the prospect of Wave coming to the iPhone. Spent the day mentally visualising touch, tap and tipping engagement, and reducing the existing interface to the simplest solution. Without recourse to sliders. After being made to include gratuitous ones in BirdSongFM I now suffer from a churlish refusal to use them even when they would be entirely suited. Plus you can’t really beat pretty coloured circles.
Adam Hoyle my collaborator likes it too, even through the fug of his hangover, so it looks as if it’s a go.
Hello Wave, goodbye Ring
It was with some embarrassment that I noticed the date stamp on the post announcing ‘Ring’ was a year old. Which would explain the somewhat terse tone of voice from my collaborator Adam Hoyle this morning when I mentioned I wanted to change it from Ring to Wave.
In the past year we abandoned premiering it in a gallery space or online show and instead embraced the new platform of the iPhone. Adam coded up a beta and sent me a screenshot of it running. Quite awhile a go.
Irony kicks into play, as I don’t have an iPhone, or even a mobile at the moment due to philosophical constraint, so the ball rebounded to a stop in my court. A poor excuse I know since I’m not coding, but Ring/Wave is back on the hot plate since our BirdSongFM hit the iTunes store. When I proposed the conceptual leap to a wave it was meet with a ring of unenthusiasm; so I have bartered a visit to Adam’s studio next week in exchange for the change in virtual motion.
I am using the wisdom of stating something publicly to avoid backing out – like that worked so well last time I posted about ‘Ring’ – however I’m feeling quiet excitement about seeing this published so expect to ‘Wave’ hello soon. (Sorry).
Joy Orbison
Isn’t it great when you hear a new tunesmith whose music excites. Joy Orbison is ticking all my boxes at the moment. Curiously none of the blogs can pigeon-hole the genre, no offense but the dance fan-boys get pretty train-spotter about whether something is UK funky or dubstep or…
But Joy Orbison is confounding labeling, it reminds me of the original Balearic mixes, in the way it mashes together a host of dance styles into something joyous that takes both the feet and the mind on a journey. Ibiza 2.0 seems like a good tag for now.
electrodrone.blogspot.com posted this mix www.mediafire.com/?jkyfyngdain
Playlist triptych
Reading ‘Red Men’ by Matthew De Abiatua – a near future farce on marketing and consumerism – the protagonist is analysed by software and his tastes served up exactly. Whilst user spending profiling is with us, and I don’t want to start getting all paranoid and muttering about living “off grid”, there are some things that algorithms can’t quite pass muster at.
Playlists being one: Genius Bar from Apple, Last.fm and thesixtyone all work quite well but they rely on genre tags, customer also likes and similar. What makes a great mixtape is the throwing in of something unexpected; out of character but which just makes perfect sense. A bridge between worlds. No point in getting too philosophical here, Nick Hornby’s ‘High Fidelity’ covers the ground well enough.
8tracks are made by humans (actually this post is a kind of repeat of one a few months a go so I will cut to the chase, to the drop), it’s a great source of discovering new tunes so I felt duty bound to return something to the pool and slung together a triptych of mixes – each a very different flavour. Hope something catches.
8tracks.com/juliobesq/cocktail
Incroyables and Merveilleuses
Johnny Rotten in London, 1976, by Bob Gruen
Checking out the latest Hawk! A Vagrant strip, intrigued by references to the protagonists I Googled them (having missed that lesson at school).
Stolen straight from www.fashionencyclopedia.com:
The Incroyables (the Unbelievables) and the Merveilleuses (the Marvelous Ones) were part of a rebellious youth movement that arose during the 1790s, during the French Revolution (1789–99). The revolution had begun a tremendous upheaval in France pitting the poor and the middle class against the wealthy, and the government was very unstable. The Incroyables (men) and the Merveilleuses (women) were political young people, who were the product of an explosive time in history. They made their political statement by dressing in outlandish fashions that exaggerated and mocked the luxurious styles that had been worn in the court of King Louis XVI (1754–1793), who had recently been executed by the revolutionary government. Though many ridiculed the extreme fashions of the Incroyablesand the Merveilleusesand called them immoral, they did remind people of the time before the revolution, when outrageous fashions had been more than a jest.
There’s more and it’s worth reading. Incroyables and Merveilleuses? They rock.
Mr Rotten from the anthemic tumblr ‘x’
Peachy the fourth
Wasn’t going to mention it, but I find myself becoming, well not excited, but warmed by thoughts of the return of Peachy tonight…
David Gale’s Peachy Coochy Nites
The projector projects 20 images for precisely 20 seconds each. The Coocheur (or Presenter) speaks for precisely twenty seconds per image. Randomness is discouraged but narrative linearity is not automatically esteemed.
David Gale, having launched a nationwide performance must-have, continues to curate this series of Peachy Coochy events at ArtsAdmin’s stylish yet reassuring Bar. Each event features six Coocheurs, or Presenters, drawn from many walks of life. Each Coocheur will compose a verbal response to 20 images of their choice. Each presentation lasts 6 minutes and 40 seconds. There will be gaps between presentations for drinking and light conversation.
David, something of a Black Belt in these matters, will both compere and present the chippings that may not be reverse engineered towards an originating block.
Peachy Coochy Nites subscribes to the the National Belief System and is therefore committed to the provision of a wide range of contributors such as the wrangler, the wrestler, the trainer, the page, the maid, the surfer, the beachcomber, the collector, she who maintains a corral, he who mends fences, they who do windows.
The next Peachy Coochy Nite will be held, as usual, in the Bar at Toynbee Studios on Thursday November 26th at 7.30 pm. Tickets £5.00. Booking advised but walk up welcome.
More details here:www.artsadmin.co.uk/projects/project.php?id=211
A map here: www.artsadmin.co.uk/contacts/The Guardian catches some cooch: www.guardian.co.uk/stage/theatreblog/2008/nov/17/theatre-peachy-coochy-performance-art
Sub sole nihil novi est
More digressions, but read on for there will be murder, sex and swearing.
Times change, and nothing changes.
I am an advocate of Freecycle and when an attic’s worth of sixties poetry books were put on offer I reciprocated, thinking them a suitable gift for my darling who spins a rhyming pen. Amongst the gems, which included humourous poems for vicars (a niche market), was ‘Other Man’s Flowers’ by Field Marshall Viscount A. P. Wavell, later Lord Wavell, I marveled at the title. That times have changed and such a title would not past muster today without a marketing strategist pointing out that ‘Other Man’s Flowers’ may indeed have homoerotic connotations. As an aside I still marvel at the beautiful typesetting of the title.
Further down the pile lay ‘A Treasury of Ribaldry’ which promised gay and robust reading. Oh the times really have moved on I thought. And took a look inside. To find a song called ‘Frankie and Johnny’, which follows…
Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts, O Lordy, how they could love!
Swore to be true to each other, true as the stars above.
He was her man, but he done her wrongFrankie she was a good woman, just like everybody knows;
She gave her man a hundred dollars to buy himself a suit of clothes
He was her man, but he done her wrongFrankie and Johnny went walking, Johnny in his brand new suit.
“Oh, good Lord” says Frankie, “don’t my Johnny look cute?”
He was her man, but he done her wrongFrankie went down to Memphis, she went on the evening train.
She paid one hundred dollars for Johnny a watch and chain.
He was her man, but he done her wrongFrankie lived in the crib-house, crib-house had only two doors;
Gave all her money to Johnny, who spent it on parlor whores.
He was her man, but he done her wrongFrankie went down to the corner to buy a class of beer,
Says to the fat bartender, “Has my lovingest man been here?”
He was her man, but he done her wrong“Ain’t going to tell you no story; ain”t going to tell you no lie;
I seen your man ’bout an hour ago with a girl named Nellie Bly.
If he’s your man, he’s doing you wrong.”Frankie went down to the pawnshop, she didn’t go there for fun;
She hocked all of her jewelery, brought a pearl-handled forty-four gun
For to get her man, who was doing her wrong.Frankie went down to the hotel, she rang that hotel bell.
“Stand back, all you chippies, or I’ll blow you straight to hell.
I want my man, who’s doing me wrong”Frankie went up to the parlor, looked over the transom so high;
There on the bed was her Johnny a-lovin’ up Nellie Bly.
He was her man, but he done her wrongFrankie threw back her kimono, she took out her forty-four,
Root-a-toot three times she shot right through that hotel door
She was after her man, who done her wrongJohnny grabbed his Stetson, “Oh, good Lord, Frankie, don’t shoot!”
But Frankie pulled the trigger and the gun went root-a-toot-toot.
He was her man, but she shot him down“Roll me over easy; roll me over slow;
Roll me over on my left hand; for the bullet is hurting me so.
I was her man, but I done her wrong”Oh, bring on your rubber-tired hearses; bring on your rubber-tired hacks;
They’re taking Johnny to the cemetery, and they ain’t a-bringing him back.
He was her man, but he done her wrongNow it was not murder in the second degree; it was not murder in the third.
That woman simply dropped her man, like a hunter drops her bird.“Oh, put me in that dungeon. Oh, put me in that cell.
Put me where the northeast wind blows from the southwest corner of hell.
I shot my man, ’cause he done me wrong.”Frankie walked up the scaffold, as calm as a girl can be,
And turning her eyes to heaven she said “Good Lord, I’m coming to Thee.
Her was my man, and I done him wrong.”This story got no moral, this story has got no end.
This story only goes to show that there ain’t no good in men.
He was her man, but he done her wrong
Reading through I was struck by the modernity of it, how they would not sound out of place being spat of the mouth of Nick Cave, who indeed covered Stagger Lee written a few decades later. Perhaps I am being naive but I was surprised to learn that these lyrics were composed in 1850. The song is thought to have been penned about Frankie Baker, no relation. If you haven’t heard it, a word of advice – don’t. It’s awful. I made that mistake and sought a copy to discover it’s a horrendous upbeat clippity clop affair.
Instead create your version, perhaps as the indubitable Mr Cave might croon, below is ‘Obvious is Obvious’ by The Dirty Three. A group featuring Warren Ellis on violin who moonlights as a Bad Seed. If the music appeals to you may I also recommend Cave and Ellis’s instrumental soundtrack to ‘The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford’, but I digress. Hit play and interpret a true rendition of Frankie and Johnnie. If it’s a hit remember to invite me to the aftershow party.
Of course I should not have been surprised by the age of this tale of sex and murder, for they have a pedigree and heritage as old as humanity. During a visit to Pompeii I was struck at how little cities have changed in 2000 years – for clearly visible were signage for both bakers and brothels. In fact the Frankie ballad pales into an insignificance suitable only to amuse a vicar in light verse compared to this ditty by Catullus, composed in Latin circa 79 BC
I will bugger you and face-fuck you.
Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius,
You who think, because my verses
Are delicate, that I am a sissy.
For it’s right for the devoted poet to be chaste
Himself, but it’s not necessary for his verses to be so.
Verses which then have taste and charm,
If they are delicate and sexy,
And can incite an itch,
And I don’t mean in boys, but in those hairy old men
Who can’t get their flaccid dicks up.
You, because you have read of my thousand kisses,
You think I’m a sissy?
I will bugger you and face-fuck you.
If times have not changed, the meaning of the odd word may have, for now if you were offended at being called sissy, which in terms of insults is usually on the gay axis, you probably wouldn’t threaten to bugger them.
Having said that, when I read Catullus’s ode to verse and anal rape on Synthetic Pubes (a wonderful tumblr, whose denizen scours Flickr daily for beautiful erotica: tough work I know but they are doing for us, so be thankful) – I knew it would be a suitable candidate for the Monday morning dirty poem from Bookkake. Moral compunction forced me to email the editor a link, who kindly thanked me and enquired whether I had heard of it via news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8375511.stm.
So, apart from Mr Lowe then. If you are thinking of laying into someone in Latin maybe a different cuss? I recommend www.yuni.com/library/latin.html where I cribbed the post’s title from.
Visit bookkake.com/tag/monday-poem/ to read more poetic filth or subscribe for a start of the working week email literary lubricator.
Speaking of marketing strategists and book titles I am surprised no-one raised their hand during the publishing meetings for this.
And the picture of Billy the Kid has no real relevance to any of this, I just think it’s rather superb.
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